Get a life and get married

Don't say, I'm now married. Actually we made a pact that the marriage would only be a simple formality to be able to live together in Jakarta, just like we did in Germany and France - keeping in mind that Indonesia is far, far more old-fashioned (read : hypocrit) than Europe.

Well I did the big jump ahead even though I don't even realize nor do I feel like I did. I didn't even get to say "I do", again that because, we got married in a religious Islamic ceremony - which only required the words and the agreement from my father and Jonathan as the groom. Now, I found out that Islamic marriages are, sadly, no other than gender-discrimination ceremonies, because I'm actually the one who was (a lot) more concerned than my father (Jonathan was NOT marrying my father, he was marrying ME), and Islamic religion wanted him to say things while I just had to sit down, shut up and listen.

And while they were saying things, I was saying my vows unloudly, just in my heart. Nobody heard it, but I did, and I wanted to cry, and I promised Jonathan a lot of things, even though he couldn't listen to me, he would only see me proving them later. Because there was a moment, just before the ceremony began, when I realized that I love Jonathan so much. I love him for all what he does and has done for me : converting himself to Islam for my family, marrying me even though he actually wanted to wait a few years till we get ready financially, and above all, that he's gone across the oceans and half the world to be with me. I realized that only few people really got to be with someone they really love, whole-heartedly, someone who loves them back and without a reason, and I feel so lucky, thankful, happy and blessed for that. Even though 10000 reasons behind the marriage are begun with "because"s, "even though"s and "but"s.

Anyway, I really consider this, at least, as a big relief for having done it for my family and for us to live together, rather than for "us" as a proof of love - because he's done actually enough.

And I've no regrets, we promise ourselves to "get married" once again when we get financially ready, with all the big French family from his side plus all my huge extended family members coming to Indonesia. Get married once again, the way we will want to get married.

I mean, as a teen, even in my early 20s days until now, I always dreamt of us doing each a short speech or maybe a poem, then saying the vows, then saying "I do", in front of beloved ones, and then Jonathan would kiss me, on the lips, a long, sweet and tender kiss, while everyone stands up and applauses.

Unfortunately, this is a picture of a typical Western wedding you see in movies (yes, yes, maybe I've just seen too many romantic comedies with Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts), so it wasn't what we got, so, why not do it once again when we would have the time and the occasion?

But anyway now we're officially and legally married and even though I still rather feel like we weren't.

Well, to be honest, there are things harder to do than pretending you're not yet married. :) For an instance, I still enjoy calling Jonathan my boyfriend, my man, my guy, my French beau, my partner in crime, my whatever-you-like-except-husband. I think he feels the same. And it's because I (we) don't want us to be real serious, get routinely bored very quick, and then feel like as if we're bond to an eternal engagement, a big stress, a big responsibility. Like, "Oh we're married so now we're committed, we can't have fun anymore coz we have to act like every other married couple in the world" and stuff. I know this could also not be the case, but what we want now is just having a life which resembles to our life in Germany : being together, just the two of us, and being happy.

Wish us luck? Thank you!